I hope you have enjoyed our short journey on self soothing. If you have just joined us, the last five or so blogs have all been a progression on how to self soothe so that we can live from the ‘best of us’ in our relationships, instead of just reacting from the ‘worst of us’ to anything that might provoke us. To help us learn how to self soothe, we have journeyed from the ‘outside-in’, starting with social interaction. In the last blog we looked at the heart circle, specifically identity and self-worth.
Today I want to look at what John Warlow (www.livingwholeness.com.au) calls the Spirit circle. This is the deepest part of us; the part we often understand the least … and some would say doesn’t even exist. For me it does, so here’s my take on it.
The God Factor Sometimes things are bigger than us, stronger than us and we just can’t make sense of them. Nearly all of us have had these experiences. Just yesterday a very close friend’s wife went in for a cancer operation. Not good! I was stressed and yet when I phoned him he was calm and collected. His anxiety was low and he was able to chat undefended, being open and honest. Just amazed me! Why? How? He and his wife had made peace with their situation. They are fortunate enough to have a faith that helps them believe that NO MATTER WHAT, IT WILL BE OK. This surely is the highest level of self soothing!
As a counsellor, I am not going to go into the ins and outs of faith, but it is clearly an incredible advantage for those of us who face issues of life and death, or where a significant injustice has occurred. For me this happened about 11 years ago. My family and I owned a beautiful farm in Zimbabwe. It was very productive, employing about 100 people. With President Mugabe’s land reform we were kicked off the farm (given 90 days to leave) and everything was taken from us – land, crops, tractors, equipment … everything! The only way I could let this go was by very actively going through a process of forgiveness. Time and again, I had to take control, actively forgive and let the injustice go. This is ultimate self soothing! I had two options: the first was to become bitter and twisted and hold onto my hatred; and the second was to let it go … to forgive. Today (it took a while) I can honestly say that with God’s help I am not harbouring resentment and bitterness. Yes, I would like to be paid for my farm – but it’s OK. I don’t react anymore. The pressure has been released from my balloon. Thank goodness … because for a while it wasn’t pretty and dominated my life!
In my view, this part of your journey is probably not the domain of a counsellor. Some would debate that, but I see it as the role of the church or a spiritual director (or wherever you may need to go to find your God – for me it was the Church). The essential part is that you take YOUR JOURNEY. Sooner or later we are all going to face situations that are bigger than us, and it is essential that when this happens, we know where we stand.
Would love your thoughts. Please leave a comment below or email me at andy@livingreal.com.au .
21/01/2014
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